'The Great British Baking Show's "Biscuit Week" Will Perform for Crumbs

Before diving into this week's recap of The Great British Baking Show, we must discuss reality shows and the casting process. This is not to suggest anything nefarious going on in the casting. If anything, the casting directors for the competition are incredibly talented at assembling a balanced mix of British-born vs. ex-pats, young vs. old, and the gifted vs. the "not all that good, but make good TV." Managing that from assembling a random group of applicants from across the country while also ensuring that all different kinds of professions are represented and Paul Hollywood will leer over at least three of them, and you can see how tough this is to pull off. 

However, since the move to Channel 4 and, more obviously, since the pandemic lockdown seasons ended, there's been a desire to appeal to those who watch on Netflix in the States. Thus far, every decision made to appeal to American viewers has ended in disaster, mainly because the cultures are radically different despite the two countries being divided by a common language. 

Season 13, the first one back in Welford Park and filmed in the spring over ten weeks instead of over the summer in five, brought Mexican Week, clearly meant to appeal to Americans and their love of tacos. As viewers will recall, it didn't just fail to appeal to the American market; it nearly derailed the series. In Season 14, Halloween Week horrified us with the weirdest, worst s'mores ever seen (not to mention confusing Americans why a summer camping/beach bonfire staple was a part of Spooky Season). Now, there's the first-ever American contestant, the Bronx-born Jeff. 

Or at least, there was.

For this week's Signature Challenge, the bakers were asked to make a dozen "Viennese Whirls," sandwich biscuits with a pair of soft shortbread outer layers (usually piped in a swirl, hence the name) with cream-and-jam centers. Despite the name, they're a British biscuit; they're called "Viennese" because Austrian pastries inspired them. Flavors, shapes, and fillings are all up to the contestants, but they have to look like a set, be the same size and shape, etc. While the bakers make jam and swirl biscuits for baking, I spent the entire first challenge asking if Jeff should have returned to the tent after last week. The man looks grey, his voice is rusty, and though he seems to be keeping up, I want to know what's wrong with him because this looks less like a dude who "might test positive for COVID in a minute, so let's be safe and tell him to rest" and more like he's got a long-term illness. 

Of course, the rest of the tent is focused on the biscuits, which, as always, are judged on a pass-fail metric.

• John: Irish Cream & Coffee Viennese Whirls (Pass): The whirls swirled perfectly, the cream center had the right texture, and the flavors were lovely.
• Jeff: What’s The Matter? Are You Not Feeling Well? Viennese Whirls (Fail) Flat and underbaked, I'd laugh at the name if I hadn't just spent 15 minutes asking that exact question.
• Gill: Two Desserts Viennese Whirls (Pass) They look right out of a patisserie window but are slightly too sweet.
• Mike: Malted Brown Butter & Raspberry Viennese Whirls (Pass). They look nearly professional but are a bit overdipped.
• Nelly: My First Dog Viennese Whirls (Pass) They're supposed to be puppies but a bit messy. They taste perfect, though.
• Dylan: Campfire Cookie Viennese Whirls (Pass) Super impressive presentation, great cookie design; Prue calls them "tender and lovely."
• Georgie: Rhubarb & Custard Viennese Whirls (Fail) Watching Prue refuse to let Paul give her a pass because he thinks she's hot may be the best part of this episode.
• Christiaan: Floral Viennese Whirls (Pass) Prue was clearly prepared to hate these, but the flavors are amazing enough that even Paul praises them.
• Illiyin: Pistachio & White Chocolate Viennese Whirls (Fail) They're so flat they're practically a regular sandwich biscuit, which is the only reason she gets a fail.
• Andy: PB&J Viennese Whirls (Pass) These are gorgeous and tasty, even if Paul is once again amazed that "peanut butter and jelly" works as a flavor combo.
• Hazel: Coffee Viennese Whirls (Fail) She had to make them twice, somehow only wound up with 11, and forgot to add sugar.
• Sumayah: Cheese & Blackberry Viennese Swans (Pass) They are perfection and deserve a handshake.

Paul is trying to avoid handshakes; that's the only reason Sumayah, Andy, and Dylan didn't get them. You can see that Paul was tempted to do so each time, especially with Andy. As for Jeff, he went straight to medical after his judging but came back and was very self-deprecating about his condition.

Let's move on to the Technical Challenge, one of Prue's recipes this week. Before exiting, she tells the bakers that there's a temperature probe in their toolkit, and they should consider using it. She's asked them to make a dozen Mint Cream Biscuits (the British version of a Thin Mint). They're made of buttery biscuits with mint cream coated in tempered chocolate. (That last part is where the probe comes in.) John made a happy noise at hearing this; he's studied this one. Note that we have at least two mint haters in the tent, Christiaan and Sumayah, the latter of whom compares it to putting toothpaste in your dessert. (A woman after my own heart.)

We get about halfway through the challenge, with biscuits in the oven, when the contestants around Jeff start worrying about him, asking if he's ok. He tries to insist some tea will be fine, but soon enough, he's left the tent again to head to medical, this time to pull out of the competition for good. Noel and Alison hug him goodbye. The good news about Jeff's withdrawal, though deeply unfortunate, is that it came almost immediately after allowing everyone a week's reprieve. Though the series (and Jeff himself) tried to push through despite his not being well enough to compete, it worked to the show's advantage for once. Our "just this once a season, everyone stays" episode came nice and early, so we got to know all the contestants a little bit more, and now there will be no double elimination since he's withdrawn.

Since we're back down to 11 contestants, let's see if Mike can avoid being 11th again now that he doesn't have to worry about coming in 12th.

11. Dylan: The tempered chocolate didn't set up, and the result is a disaster.
10. Andy: They barely reached the plate and stuck once they cooled there.
9. Georgie: No shine. The biscuit's tough, but the mint is perfect.
8. Illiyin: Messy, top-hat shaped.
7. Nelly: Neat, but no shine
6. Christiaan: No shine again, decent interior.
5. Hazel: The mint cream broke, so it's grainy.
4. Gill: They're a little flat, but the shortbread's perfect.
3. Sumayah: Very neat, but too much mint.
2. John: The proportions are all correct, as are the textures.
1. Mike: The tempered chocolate is correct, the biscuit and mint are perfect

Good job, Mike! I feel like the Top Three here are the potential trio of season-finalists, with Andy and Dylan as wildcards. Speaking of Dylan and Andy, their near handshakes in the Signature should make up for their poor showings here, so I'm not worried... yet.

With Jeff's exit, only one person will go home this week, making the Showstopper Challenge slightly less daunting than if this were a double elimination. I say "slightly" because "Make an Edible Puppet Theater out of Biscuits" would be daunting even if no one went home this week. Moreover, it's not just making a puppet theater with a backdrop and set out of biscuits, but edible working puppets as well. It's an engineering challenge, and we don't have any professional engineers this season, so the results of this challenge will be touch and go at best.

(Yes, Noel name checks The Muppet Show, which I continue to maintain succeeded because it was produced in London, and its British sensibilities were vital to the humor working. This is also why Disney has not managed to do anything with The Muppets properly, and they never will until they decide to hand it over to the BBC. But that's an opinion piece for another day...)

As if Jeff's withdrawal weren't enough, Illiyin collapses right after time is called, fainting directly in front of the camera as the gaffer tries not to panic while calling for the medics. She did complete the challenge, so though she is taken away, her Showstopper will be judged. The only question remains if she will go home, allowing everyone else another week, or if the medics declare her fit to return, and someone else is sent home instead.

With that, let's see who sells out their theater and who folds after opening night.

Gill's 'The Gingerbread Man' It's hard to get a good shot of this one because Gill made a revolving stage with three different sets: a kitchen, a forest, and a river. The overall design is a little childlike, but it works for a children's puppet theater, and it's so neatly done and minimalist that it works. Paul and Prue are very impressed. 

Mike's 'Go Farming' This is more what the judges expect, a shoebox diorama version of a theater, with biscuit marionettes. As a farm, it has little set other than rice krispie treat haybales, but he made a red curtain, which Paul says is a bit on the chewy side.

Andy's 'If Pigs Could Fly' A less good version of what Mike made; it's based on the true story of Andy losing control of pigs on the A-12. Prue asks if he dropped it, but Andy has come up with an explanation for the walls falling apart: "It's an old theater." Sure dude.

Georgie's ‘Welsh Festival' The Welsh dancer puppets are lying next to the theater, which is caving in because the biscuit walls are too soft. The result is that it looks painfully unfinished and ready to fall to bits at any moment. She's also missing key pieces. Paul pretends it's all fine, though, and Prue doesn't argue.

John's 'Welsh Adventures' This one is genuinely well done. I love that his proscenium arch is made of blue bricks instead of a red curtain and that the piped and painted backdrop of the Severn Bridge is genuinely well done. Paul tries to find things wrong with it, complaining that the puppets aren't as finished as they could be. You can roll your eyes.

Sumayah's 'Enchanted Garden' This girl is so talented. This genuine piece of art puts nearly everything that came before it to shame. The dancer, the tree, and the swans are at the top of the proscenium arch—it's just stunning. Oh, and the wheels at the bottom work, so it's a mobile theater.

Nelly's 'Forest Dance' At first, I thought her theater didn't have walls, and then I realized it does; it's just really clumsy, and the sides are open. Engineering-wise, it is about what you'd expect from someone in the bottom half of the group, and the judges are kind about it because this is what they were braced for.

Illiyin's 'Strawberry Fields Forever' Noel brings up Illiyin's creation, and at first, he declares himself to be playing her. However, he only goes a couple of steps before the judges' stares and the other contestants watching gets to him, and he crumbles, declaring it horrible and that he will have nightmares now. As for the theater, it's ok, but Illiyin was obviously struggling to get through it and didn't finish her puppets.

Hazel's 'Punch & Judy' It's... well I was going to say it's not the worst of the group, except it is. The front arch fell off, the entire theater is cockeyed, and it's kind of a miracle the whole thing is standing. Paul is kind, calling it "very obviously Punch & Judy," even if it's wonky. She tries Andy's excuse of "It's old!" but that's not flying this time.

Dylan's 'Rabbit In The Moon' Dylan gave the whole tent a scare when he tipped off his stool, reaching for the water bottle, and everyone thought a third contestant was headed for the medics. But he's fine, as is his creation. The theater itself cracked a bit, but the artistry of the puppets and the backdrops is extraordinary, and his little dry ice trick is perfect.

Christiaan's 'Finding Home' Like Gill, Christiaan did a revolving stage, but with four sets, which he spins through each scene, acting out the story of the little biscuit boy who goes inside a white tent and finds Biscuit Wonderland. It is awe-inspiring, well-engineered, and artsy, and one of the few Showstoppers worthy of Star Baker.

This is one week where the Signature and Technical make the difference because Sumayah gets awarded Star Baker despite Christiaan's very impressive Showstopper. As for Illiyin, she'll be back next week, which brings the bottom two down to Georgie and Hazel, with the latter being sent home. It's the right decision (this time), but anyone who pegged Georgie as "the one who will overstay because Paul is hot for her," congratulations, you win the internet. (Your internet can be picked up by exchanging the tickets you received in Hall H at the downstairs swag room in the Grand Hyatt.)

The Great British Baking Show continues with new episodes every Tuesday in the U.K. and Friday in the U.S. on Netflix through the end of November.