Season 15's "Cake Week" is Illusionary on 'The Great British Baking Show'

The Great British Baking Show is back! The series returned to Channel 4 earlier this week and then rolled right over to Netflix for the weekend. Outside, climate change is producing hurricanes of ludicrous proportions; contentious elections are on, and war seems to be spreading. But here in the tent, there's nothing but flour, sugar, cream, butter, and eggs, and outside the tent, Alison Hammond and Noel Fielding delightfully dressed as Barbies. (Can we note that Alison's American accent is spot-on, a genuine rarity for English performers who don't regularly appear in superhero movies? (And sometimes not even then? Looking at you, Benedict Cumberbatch.) Of course, Paul Hollywood plays Ken, proving yet again that your average man totally missed the film's point, but I genuinely enjoyed Prue Leith's Weird Barbie Get Up. Alison may not have solved all the show's issues, but her arrival has improved Prue's lot in these openings.

But though Paul Hollywood thinks he is the show's star, the real stars—the bakers—are what we are here for. We've got people terrified of the tent, people comparing getting on the show to getting Eras Tour tickets, and at least one young man whose mother ordered him not to cry looks like he's ready to weep with excitement. I'm also here for the man threatening to carjack Paul's vehicle if he gets sent home. I can already see the spin-off, Top Gear: Baking Show Castoffs. I feel like Jeremy Clarkson would be here to host a show where the competitors destroy the cars of celebrities who are better liked than he is.

But it's Cake Week, so let's stop loafing around and let the bakers get loafing.

For the opening challenge, the bakers are asked to make elevated loaf cakes. (And no, that doesn't mean to put them on a shelf.) They have two hours to show themselves and what they are about in the cake world through their loaf creations. Flavor and decor are all the baker's choice, but the cakes should be representative of who they want the audience (and the judges) to see them. But let's be honest, the judging we're doing is in how they respond to Alison and Noel (and Prue and Paul), and I am judging no one harder than Jeff, the Bronx-born contestant whose hybrid New York-Yorkshire accent may be the closest thing I've ever heard to the way my late father sounded after decades in the U.S.

Let's see which loaves were cut above and which were loafing off. As always, the Signature is judged on a pass-fail metric.

• Sumayah: Halwa Surprise Loaf Cake (Pass) An impressive start for the tent's youngest resident, with high praise from both judges.
• Hazel: Raspberry Surprise Loaf Cake (Fail) The decor is oversized, the icing is half-melted, and the cake is dry.
• Mike: Lemon & Linseed Loaf Cake (Fail) His lemon icing turned into scrambled eggs, and the cake cracked
• Nelly: Coconut Loaf Cake (Pass) It's neat as a pin, if a bit 1970s. Paul declares he'd eat the whole thing.
• Andy: My First Bake Loaf Cake (Pass) Super clever design, though heavy
• Jeff: Guiding Star Loaf Cake (Pass) Paul says it's too messy, but the flavor (and the star center) are perfect.
• Gill: It's All V's Fault Loaf Cake (Pass) It's gorgeous save for a single drip, but Paul loves it anyway.
• Georgie: Vanilla & Chocolate Marble Loaf Cake (Fail): The icing is melted, and the cake is a squat square.
• John: Cherry & Chocolate Marble Loaf Cake (Pass): A handsome cake with perfect sour cherry flavor.
• Dylan: Sticky Rice Loaf Cake (Pass) It's beautiful looking but dense.
• Christiaan: Umami Apple Loaf Cake (Fail) It looks ok, but who wants an Umami cake?
• Illiyin: Cinnamon Roll Bundt Loaf (HANDSHAKE): This is the only bundt cake of the lot; it tastes exactly like a cinnamon roll.

The show's editors are all over Illiyin, with her midwife credentials, her comparisons of making a cake to being a doula, and her clear skills as a baker. Of these first cakes, she, Sumayah, and John are clearly the best at handling cake. But Cake is only one-third of the show's primary skills; we'll see how they fair next week when it's time for biscuits.

Before we get to the Technical Challenge, this is a reminder that in this post-2020 world, the pandemic is still out there, and COVID is still a genuine concern, requiring anyone who feels sick to be sent home immediately. In this case, it's our Bronx Buddy Jeff. The good news is this has come early enough (and Jeff got to do one challenge) that the "no one goes home" result won't play that badly; it means we'll get two weeks to get to know everyone before two people exit the tent sometime later in the season to make up for it. However, it does make the following two challenges much less fraught for home viewers. 

Paul's Technical Challenge is eight mini Battenbergs, the small square cakes that, when sliced, have a checkerboard pattern when sliced. Let's see who gets the square and who circles the drain.

11. Mike: Marzipan is overworked, and the colors are terrible
10. Hazel: The marzipan didn't even wrap
9. Sumayah: Too small, marzipan is too thick
8. Andy: Clumsy but tasty
7. Illiyin: The yellow dye didn't distribute evenly
6. Gill: Far too pale, not enough cake
5. Nelly: Cracked thick marzipan
4. Dylan: Colors a bit "violent" but tasty
3. John: A little yellow, but the ratio is correct
2. Christiaan: They are small but otherwise perfect
1. Georgie: Neat, good flavor, correct outer shell.

It's good that Sumayah and Illiyin are safe from the Signature; meanwhile, Christiaan made up for making an Umami Cake, and Georgie also redeemed herself. Mike and Hazel should be relieved no one is going home.

The first Showstopper Challenge is an Illusion Cake. The bakers get to choose the filling, flavor, sponge, and design, but the creation must be good enough to play "Is it Cake?" with. (No, they don't say that, but that's what they mean.) We've got a few people making animals (chickens, ducks), but most choose inanimate items because that's way easier. (However, Alison biting the "Noel Cake" was genuinely delightful. I love those two so much; here's hoping she gets a cameo spot in Season 2 of The Completely Made-Up Adventures of Dick Turpin.)

Since no one will go home, let's get right to the cakery and see whose illusions of Star Baker held up.

Sumayah's 'Pato the Duck': Because it's an animal, it looks more like a piece of decor one buys for a beach house. That being said, it does not look like a cake. It looks like a duck statue that belongs on a front porch. And it's delicious to boot.

Gill's 'Crown Green Bowling': It does look like a cake, but it is also a really good cake version of a bowling green, complete with a blanket. It's what you would expect an excellent amateur baker to pull off. Paul is pleased with her flavors.

Dylan's 'Canopic Jar': It does look like something you'd see behind glass at the British Museum, and the rough-hewn detailing that would normally scream cake here looks like an "old relic made before machinery."

Nelly's 'Retro 90's Shoes': The judges are kind, but that is a shoe cake, no question. And not even that good of a shoe cake. Also flavorless.

Christiaan's 'Sweet Seams are Made With This': It's a delightful, Avacado-colored 1970s-era sewing machine, complete with thread. It's a little cake-esque, but more than passable. It's too dry and hard to eat.

John's 'The Perfect Brunch': It's a pair of folded jeans, which are not the perfect brunch in my opinion. Love the little Sale Sign. Paul notes the folding of the jeans looks like a laminate bake, and he's right.

Illiyin's 'Flower Vase': Her detailing isn't good enough to hide its cake-ness, which she is upfront about, but her flowers are edible, and her flavors are good.

Hazel's 'Handbag': It's not the neatest work, but it does look like a genuine handbag from afar, and when she carries it up like it is her purse, the room breaks into applause. Too bad the cake flavor doesn't hold up.

Andy's 'It's an Overnight Job': This is where the painting comes in; the leather bag looks like genuine aged leather because of his color work. That covers a multitude of sins, though not that the cake is overbaked.

Georgie's 'Fanny the Chicken': It wouldn't have passed muster even if we hadn't mentally compared it to the duck from earlier. But Prue and Paul are nice about the awful shape.

Mike's 'My Favourite Cake & Books': Mike redeems himself here from his earlier failures. Those books are gorgeous, and better, they are each separate cakes that can be picked up like real books. Also, they taste great.

Thankfully, no one is leaving, though Hazel is definitely on the bubble to go next week if she keeps failing. As for who gets Star Baker, it's sadly not Illiyin, who is done in by her vase. Instead, they give it to John despite his jean folds, and everyone heads to the tent next week for Biscuits.

The Great British Baking Show continues with new episodes every Tuesday in the U.K. and Friday in the U.S. on Netflix though the end of November.