'The Great British Baking Show' Season 16 Heads “Back to School”

Rumor had it that this week would be Dairy Week on The Great British Baking Show Season 16, an understandable mistake. Since Mexican Week in Season 13 led the series to eliminate cultural theme weeks, the production has become rather strict about adhering to a particular order for themes. Cakes-Biscuits-Bread had already been a staple for the opening three challenges, and Patisserie has been the semi-final for basically the show's entire run. However, the mushy middle also became stricter, with Week 4 becoming a liquid-based challenge for two consecutive seasons (Chocolate and Caramel), which would lead most to assume that Dairy was the order of the day. 

However, the production appears to have reconsidered that choice this season. There will still be Chocolate Week (currently listed as next week's episode, we'll see). However, Week 4 instead landed the "seasonal to when the show airs" challenge, which has thus far taken the form of Halloween and Autumn Weeks. For Season 16, we're getting Back to School week. It is a little late (especially in the States, where school tends to start in mid-to-late August), but even so, it makes sense that with the series returning to its early September debut berth, Back to School would go in the first open week available.

Once again, if there was a cold open, it has been cut for the American broadcast. However, Alison Hammond still does her best Mrs. Trunchbull impression, demanding the bakers use their honorifics and last names (Mr. Noel Fielding is not nearly as strict) before sending them off to work on their first assignments.

The Signature Challenge for Back to School is a British primary school kid classic breakfast: the flapjack. Flapjacks are usually considered the equivalent of the American pancake, but that's actually not the case. Pancakes, especially the American ones that come in a premade box, are flour-based creations; flapjacks are traditionally oat-based and far more like large cereal bars than the fluffy rounds you find at IHOP. The modern-day versions are literally just what we here in America think of as a power bar or an energy bar: sugar melted into golden syrup, butter, and toasted rolled oats.

Since flapjacks tend to wind up much heavier, it is much more understandable why the British cut them up into squares (or nowadays candy-bar-like rectangles), which explains why the challenge is for a full dozen. Additionally, like most energy bars, there are berries, jam, icing, chocolate, and various toppings, so the bakers will have to prepare those as well.

Let's see who makes the grade and who has to stay after for extra help.

1. Tom 'Apple Crumble' (Pass): His “apple top flapjacks” would have worked if he'd had time to add stems. Instead, they look like red half-circles. They are delicious, though.
2. Jasmine 'Raspberry, Chocolate & Hazelnut' (Pass): These are shop window worthy and taste great. 10/10 No Notes.
3. Iain ‘Banana Jacks’ (Fail): Very cute, but they are chewier than one would like in an energy bar.
4. Nataliia ‘First Day Flapjacks’ (Fail): She made candy bars. She also cut them into oddly thin triangles so her chocolate decor looked like the celebration emoji streamers.
5. Nadia ‘Cherry & Coconut' (Fail): Her bars didn’t cool, so her chocolate topping melted. She added more chocolate, and voilà, a candy bar.
6. Toby ‘Carrot Patch’ (Fail): Another shop window-worthy display, but he’s used so much cinnamon, Prue starts coughing.
7. Jessika ‘Red Wine Rendezvous’ (Fail): A fascinating idea of going savory with wine, and the flavor rocks. Unfortunately, they’re gluey.
8. Aaron ‘Lat Snacks’ (Pass): These are the third shop window-worthy creations, and thankfully, they do not make Prue need a glass of water.
9. Lesley ‘Dan’s Cherry Bakewell Flapjacks’ (Fail): Her bars didn’t cool, so her cream topping melted. She did not add more, but the glacé cherries do her in.

Lesley is the only one who gets a “see me” after class from Paul, but that was a string of fails, partly because modern flapjacks are basically candy bars in all but name. Unless they have the tooth-breaking crunch that makes them “healthy,” that’s what you’re gonna get. 

(Remember, this is the country that used to call Snickers bars “Marathon Bars” and sold them as health food.)

The School Marm thing suits Prue, err, pardon me, Miss Leith. She warns the bakers they'll need a lot of elbow grease for this challenge that she's set, before Miss Hammond and Mr. Fielding dismiss her and Miss Hollywood from the tent. Once they leave, Alison announces the challenge is to make a classroom's worth of school cakes. It will surprise absolutely no one that a British school cake, served to students for tea five days a week, consists of a white vanilla sponge cake with white vanilla icing and rainbow sprinkles, accompanied by a jug of custard to pour over it. But since this is Baking Show, everything has to be made from scratch — even the sprinkles. (SPRINKLES! Scoop, there it is! Shaka-laka, shaka-lak.)

(Week 4 and the Taste & Bake version of the Technical has not returned. I am officially pleased. Now it can strike again without warning at any time, and it won't feel repetitive. Good job, Love Productions.)

Don't think I didn't see Iain bloody bounce at his station with excitement when he heard this challenge reveal. Let's see if he manages to win one, and how everyone else does in comparison.

9. Nadia: Cakes are overbaked, and the icing is runny, and there's only 11.
8. Nataliia: She heard icing, she made icing. She can't help what little British schoolboys eat.
7. Jessika: Some didn't rise, some fell, custard split.
6. Tom: A little dry and dense, uneven sizes.
5. Lesley: Unevenly cooked, and her sprinkles melted.
4. Toby: His cake is a bit messy, and his custard's off.
3. Iain: The cakes are perfect, but they're all different sizes.
2. Aaron: Perfect cakes, custard a little thin.
1. Jasmine: Practically perfect in every way.

Poor Iain is getting such a bum edit this week. But he's still in contention; pay no attention to the man in the editing room who doesn't like him. In reality, Jessika, Nadia, and Nataliia aren't just at the bottom of the Technical; there's no way it isn't one of them going home this week.

The Showstopper is something quintessentially British and requires a brief explanation of the word "fête," which we don't typically use here. When Americans hear the word, we think high-end party, the sort of event attended by the billionaire class. Bezos' recent second marriage would be a "fête." However, in the U.K., when used to describe a party, it means a fundraiser. A "School Fête" is a neighborhood event held on the school campus before classes start for the year, to raise money for building repairs and to provide support for children in need who can't afford backpacks or lunches. 

Since this is a display, we're essentially going to get nine dioramas of school fundraisers these individuals experienced as children, made from baked goods. Three kinds of baked goods, two of which require baking in batches of dozens. (I.e.: cupcakes, cinnamon rolls, etc.)

Let's see who brings us fond lookbacks and who flunks out.

Tom’s ‘Cocknowle’: He made a science fair out of red velvet cake, cream-filled chocolates, crème brûlées, and a whole lot of dry ice. The crème brûlées are “petri dishes,” which is a nice idea, but also ew? Paul plays the chocolate creams game, which is not rigged.

Jasmine’s ‘My Favourite Games’: Her idea was to make a playground because she basically spent those school fairs on the jungle gym, out of orange cake, pretzels, and biscuits. They’re all adorable, and they all taste great. She is cruising this week straight to Star Baker.

Toby’s ‘Schooldays’: He made three fair games, but the "duck pool lemon cake" Prue is supposed to fish out of leans. The strawberries and cream game is better, though, and the Parmesan tennis balls are perfect. 

Iain’s ‘The Auld School Fête’: Iain created an old Windows machine from a computer lab of the early 1990s as a joke on ‘the auld’ etc. However, he didn’t make everything out of cake. The pool with his ducks is plastic, and the computer mouse and keyboard are props. The judges are not impressed, even though it is at least not trying to do too much and crash.

Aaron’s ‘Four-Hour Relay: Bake Edition’: I think this is a case of Aaron not understanding the assignment until he saw everyone else’s. He made a flat cake with baked goods on top, instead of what they wanted, which is a 3-D structure made from baked goods. Of course it tastes divine anyway.

Nataliia’s ‘Rucksack Memories’: This is a bit of a cheat, because Nataliia never experienced these growing up in Eastern Europe. Instead, she did something that plays to her strengths in cake, creating a backpack illusion cake (rucksack is the British term for backpack), cupcakes shaped like apples, and biscuit rulers. Well played.

Lesley’s ‘Happy Memories of the ‘70s’: Never let it be said the pensioner contestants can’t make it a strength. Paul is 60 years old, and Prue is 85 years young; this displays right to a time when he was in school and her kids were in school. The entire thing is genius. Paul is so moved he forgets himself and says, “That’s well baked, them.”

Nadia’s ‘Traditional Bake Sale’: I mean, this is taking the easy way out and also brilliant, but what really impresses the judges is that she made donuts — enough for regular donuts and for the burger buns; might as well put that new skill to work! The cakes are overbaked and the flavors aren’t great, but the brownie burgers are a hit.

Jessika’s ‘Prehistoric Pantry’: Sadly, that leaves Jessika, who also didn’t realize this was supposed to be a 3D structure; she just put a school fair set of flags over top and thought that would be enough. It also doesn’t help that all her prehistoric bits, while neat, are varying levels of dark brown, so it looks unappetizing, and nothing tastes good anyway.

It’s about time Jasmine took home Star Baker; my only question on that front is what’s keeping her from a handshake? Anyway, there’s no contest there this week. Nor is there really a debate over elimination, though Nadia’s definitely not long for the tent. As Jessika says, Paul’s judgment was brutal. In reality, the only other person who failed the Showstopper in the same way (going too flat) is Aaron, who nailed both the Signature and Technical sections. 

However, this now means I can tell everybody about Jessika’s totally awesome Instagram, where she posts her drag king looks. Unsurprisingly, her look this week is none other than Miss Hollywood himself.

The Great British Baking Show Season 16 continues with new episodes every Tuesday on Channel 4 and Fridays on Netflix. Seasons 1 through 7 are available on Roku, while Seasons 8 through 15 (still incorrectly listed as “Collections 5 through 12”) are accessible on Netflix outside the U.K.