Never Mind the Bollocks, Here’s 'Alice & Jack's Fifth Episode
Brace yourselves: Episode 4 was the carrot after many sticks, but Episode 5 of Alice & Jack punishes us for letting our guard down. For a show that consistently contains more dialogue than plot, the last third of this episode pushes the limits of just how much nonsense an audience can take. In conclusion, this episode is a profoundly unpleasant experience.
The first few minutes contain some of the cringiest moments set to film. We begin in the insemination room, a phrase I hope never to type again. Jack is at Alice’s side while Dr. Feldshue (Amanda Lawrence) prepares her instruments. As the doctor approaches, Alice stops her: “Can Jack do that?” (Um, eww.) The doctor patiently explains that legally, um, no. He can’t. (Also, can we double that order of Um, eww?) But Jack could put his hand on top of the doctor’s. There’s awkward dialogue exploring this option, and then Jack agrees. It’s pretty uncomfortable to be a spectator at this very intimate scene. Let me be clear: this discomfort is not about artificial insemination, but rather these two strange characters clumsily navigating their odd lives. As Dr. Feldshue approaches again, Alice asks the doctor to step out momentarily. Once alone, Alice and Jack lunge for each other. Bada boom, bada bing, and Alice no longer needs the doctor’s help. Maya and the clinic’s receptionist can hear the goings on from the waiting room, and Maya is highly amused.
Afterward, Alice and Jack are glowing despite having broken their cardinal rule. Jack tends to Alice at her flat, bringing her tea as she draws a bath. They both treat Alice tenderly – as if she’s already pregnant. Jack doesn’t want to discuss them crossing the line but admits he loves fussing over her. It seems clear they’re going to fall back into a relationship. Being dense, Jack doesn’t realize this and calls Rachel. He reluctantly tells her what happened: “Alice and I made love on the insemination table.” (Again, eww.) He claims not to know if it meant anything and starts using Rachel to untangle his feelings. She hangs up on him. (Wise move, Rachel.)
